I used to be part of a poker enthusiast Facebook group; that’s how we first met.
I posted in the group requesting assistance from somebody to attend weekly poker tournaments, to which she volunteered, as her and her fiancé already attended on a weekly basis.
After the first week, she began to initiate daily conversations, that surpassed the normal talk about poker. It was nice to establish a friendship with somebody and at this point there was nothing sinister about it. During this time, I had also attempted to create a similar rapport with her fiancé, however he was not open to a friendship. After a few weeks though, I began to question the amount that we were talking, so I asked her if she had feelings for me. She denied it. But that exchange sparked something more between us and our chemistry erupted from there.
After another week, our conversations became more intimate. She disclosed that her partner, despite having ‘a fantastic penis’, often left her sexually frustrated because he did not like having sex. For this reason, she wanted to find someone else to have fun with.
Now don’t laugh too hard at me but at this stage in my life, I had decided to apply for the TV show, Married at First Sight, so she came over to my place, alone, to help with this. She looked incredible! Sexy. Stunning. And from that moment, I wanted her.
After six weeks of us talking she also confided in me that she was chatting up someone else. I began to question the morality of the situation but I was waiting and hoping that she would break up with her fiancé first. I wanted to pursue her but I recognised that it conflicted with my values, however true to the nature of attraction, my judgement was clouded. I thought, ‘this may be now or never’. I asked her to come to my place and the next night, she did.
There was a different energy between us but after a while we began to relax, drink wine and we had sex for the first time. The whole experience was new for me because I had only ever done it with sex workers before. Because of my limited past encounters, I had taught myself to shut off emotionally during intimacy. I also thought that our arrangement would be strictly friends with benefits, so I didn’t want to invest any emotions. As a result of my detachment, she left halfway through, later explaining that she felt like I only chose to do it as a favour for her.
The next morning, I was very frustrated with myself, thinking that I had ruined things with her and lost our friendship. I could not stop thinking about her, so I sent a message explaining why I had acted like I did the previous night. I was relieved when she responded and agreed to come over again that night. Needless to say, things were a lot better the second time around. And the many times after that.
One afternoon, about a month in of seeing each other, I was due to be picked up by a family member to take me to poker. We tried to squeeze in a quickie beforehand. I obviously wasn’t thinking with my brain, because I forgot that this relative of mine is always early with no exception. Mid sex, there was a knock at the door and an immediate jump off of my dick. She threw her clothes back on and bolted through my backyard and the backyard of several neighbours in her escape. I was in a compromised position and had no choice but to open the door, naked with the condom still on. You can say it was awkward.
We kept our affair a secret. We continued to go to poker and frequent parties together, with her fiancé. I began to develop strong romantic feelings for her, which was reflected in the time we spent together. It wasn’t just all about sex anymore. She even told me that she wanted to leave her fiancé to be with me, but couldn’t due to financial pressures. These feelings grew stronger over the next couple of months, and I could no longer hide them. I was sick of seeing them together because they didn’t act like they were a couple. She didn’t look happy and she deserved to be with someone who loved her properly.
One night while we were lying in bed, I confessed that I couldn’t continue any longer and declared that she had to decide between me and her fiancé. She promptly left after that and I didn’t hear from her for the next three months.
I was heartbroken. I sent her messages but they all went unanswered. I fell into a depression over those months, trying to process what had happened and what I had lost. She was the first person I ever loved.
There was a day after these months passed, where I finally began to feel happier and like myself again. But as I’m sure that you can predict, that was the evening she chose to reach out and message me. She explained that she was sorry for her actions, was no longer interested in anything romantic but she wanted to rebuild our friendship.
Despite everything, my feelings returned like a tsunami and I admitted to her that I still loved her and wanted to try things again. She responded saying that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I accepted this and appreciated the honesty and I let her know that if she was ever willing to try, she would have to instigate as I didn’t want to prematurely pressure her.
We seamlessly fell back into our friendship, but this quickly came to a halt one afternoon when she came over to my place. In no attempt to hide what she was doing in front of me, she took a photo of her boobs to send to an old flame. I was taken aback by her insensitivity and disrespect, given the vulnerable conversation we had exchanged, only a few weeks prior. I knew then that we could not build a friendship if she was treating me like this and so I asked her to leave. I was left heartbroken once again but the small feat of ending things on my terms gave me some sense of closure.
Upon reflection, I recognise that I made some questionable decisions but truthfully, I do not have any regrets because I learnt so much from this experience.
These are my key lessons:
- Never do anything that conflicts with your morals
- The classic rule has merit – think with your brain and not your dick
- Believe people’s actions over what they tell you
- The most important lesson – I can find love